Posted by: Sheila | November 20, 2008

When we become parents….


Most of us have parents. Parents we idolised or not for a period of our youth and then sooner or later we discovered that yes they too were human and yes they are far from perfect. At that moment we chose whether to forgive their faults. Many of us rebelled and some of us have never quite forgiven our parents for so much. We often feel entirely justified in our anger and hold on to it as proof of how bad things got.

The sad point is that no matter how much mediation, massage, reflexology or whatever treatment we choose we can never find real peace. That is because we carry the burden of the present. Holding on to the grievance makes us think of the pain, rejection or whatever negatives feeling we felt. Releasing the pain and showering it with love, well that brings love back to us and makes us feel whole again.

Sometimes we feel we might be letting them off too lightly. We have carried our sore for a long time. We can never fully live in the now and express ourselves wholly when we are thinking about the past and how we should have changed it

Often our parents will not even know how they have hurt us so deeply. Sometimes it helps to talk to them and sometimes it doesn’t. Often it can be that when we become parents ourselves for the first time we begin to look at how it was for us and subconsciously plan to mimic that or avoid it. Whatever the outcome, whatever the feeling, forgive your parents even if you never knew them. They are just people like us. People trying to find the way through. When you let them go and fill the space with love, a great weight is lifted and a shift in our minds takes place. We are no longer held to ransom by our past and are free to live with the present and the future.



  1. Thanks. Sheila.

    On the flip side of your point, I was just saying to my better half the other day that marriage is a piece of cake compared to parenting!


  2. That is so true Fin, Just when you think you have worked out how to be a parent and how to deal with issues you realise they are grown up. So you think I will use that on the next child. That never works as with each child you have to start from scratch-they are so different. Finally when you are old and grey and know it all no one is interested in what you have to say!!!!
    Parenting-a very rewarding and somewhat thankless job!!
    Thanks for your comment


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